Happy Mother's Day

Every Mother's Day it seems, the articles circulate about how much moms would get paid, if only they got paid for being moms.
I understand the idea of getting the public conversation going and appreciate the importance of good parenting. But there's the rub, GOOD parenting-INVOLVED parenting-is what's important. And parenting implies dads, as well. So the good intentions of such articles usually get lost as nutjobs who think moms really should get this imaginary money start mouthing off.

You know what? Moms do get paid. They get paid in food-covered kisses and shitty macaroni art. And every other day of the year, I'm told how worth it being a mom is. You love your job? Good, now shut the fuck up about your paycheck.

"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out."

What the hell makes anyone think that quotes--inspirational, religious, or otherwise--are in any way appropriate on work emails? In my estimation, it's just as bad as using Comic Sans on... anything, really. 

Just in case I'm not making myself clear...

No one at work gives a flying fuck what inspires you and they damn sure aren't inspired by some stupid little quote at the bottom of your emails. During the work day, no one gives a shit what Mother Teresa said. No one cares what your favorite bible verse is. No one likes the "clever" little way you view life or adversity or anything outside the day's business. 

If you have useless crap like that on your work emails, you're an unprofessional twat. 

No one likes getting punched in the gut by perfume.

The way I understand it, your sense of smell tends to "go" when you get older. Apparently, no one who is actually old understands this.

If it only took two pumps of your perfume when you were 20, it only takes two pumps of your perfume when you're 60. Please, just believe me on this.

Someone should invent a technology that can tell how old a person is by touch. It should be applied to perfume and cologne bottles in such a way that when it recognizes old people fingers, it absolutely doesn't spray more than the amount necessary to smell nice without also knocking over everyone within a 10 foot radius. Said technology will then reset no sooner than 24 hours later.
I'd ban the sale of perfume and cologne to old people, but then they'd just get youngins to buy it in a vaguely ironic 180 of the kid outside 7-11 begging adults to buy him a forty of Schlitz Malt Liquor. Besides, I wouldn't want to be a complete asshole about this.



I realize there are plenty of people with perfectly young olfactory senses who offend the same way. They should simply be drug out in the street and shot in the arm. At least the kids don't wear Opium.

Cheap Bastards

Is $200 (per couple) really too much to pay for three days worth of events at a high school reunion? I figure my failure to baulk at this number is either a sign of my success and/or the taint of living in the Washington DC area and dealing with high prices on everything.
Now I get that we're in hard economic times. For the most part, I grew up living below the poverty level. I'm not trying to be insensitive, but some of the people crying about this sound like cheap bastards. I understand the reluctance for people who have to travel. I happen to be making a twelve hour drive, so add to my $200 entry fee the gas, hotel, and food involved to be able to see these folks after a decade (even I am staying with family friends for at least part of this trip to save money--I'm not against frugality). I do not understand the motivation of the people who live there to complain, though. I suppose when you're in podunk nowheresville Georgia, $200 might very well be a lot of money...
I am so glad I don't live in that pissant know-nothing tiny town. You couldn't even pay me enough to move back to that state, proximity to a big city be damned.

Despite my hatred for BFE, Georgia, I am looking forward to this reunion. It's nice to have something to show for my ten years away from hell.

Hate, they name is... harsh?

I can't stand it when people puss out on hate. "Oh, I don't hate anybody. Hate is too harsh a term."
Seriously? What the fuck is your imbalance? If you can love something or someone, you can hate something or someone else. Not only that, but you probably should. I'm all for keeping your enemies closer than your friends, and I'm all for turning the other cheek when it's appropriate (which is more situations than not), but I draw the line at loving your enemy.
I think too many people confuse hating with acting on said feelings. Just because I hate someone doesn't mean I'm going to go out slash his or her tires. It doesn't mean I'm going to be a slave to my hate and get the jitters until I piss in that person's coffee. It just means I have a healthy dose of the other end of the emotional spectrum flowing through me to balance out the love stuff that's also there (even if it's not apparent in this particular blog). I don't let it ruin my life, my relationships, or my blood pressure.
I've heard people say that hate just eats you up inside and is a waste of energy. I respectfully disagree. It will eat you inside if you're weak and stupid enough to let it. I bet the same people who get completely eaten up with hate over some things/people are the same ones who fall headlong and hard in love and let that define them, too... for as long as that love lasted, anyway. Hate and love are the extremes, and people who try to live in one and not the other aren't healthy. The hate-filled folks are just as unhealthy as the love-only folks, but I find that the love-only ones really come off as major pussies.
It's not like I'm saying you have to both love and hate every object or person in your life like there's some weird Yin and Yang deal in everything on the planet. I'm just saying you ought not act like you're "too good" to hate something or someone. You're not too good. You're off kilter. Fucknut.